oneinsix.com - Introduction

Though we all have our own stories to tell and no two cases are alike, there is one common thread linking our story to many other couples - this longing for a baby...or two!

My wife Nikki aged 37 and myself Bobby age 38, married relatively late in our lives. Hailing from an asian background, the pressure to get married earlier was evident, so was it to have a baby. But our parent's sound advise (they usually are) fell on deaf ears!

Though we found each other without the aid of our parents, the one area where we wished we had listened to our folks was in the grandchildren making department!
The clock stops for nobody and at the risk of being blunt and brutal, not having any children signals the end of this particular family tree going back generations.

Now my wife is especially good with babies and would make the perfect mum. How she has coped without and kept a lid on her emotions is fantastic. But for us poor males, coming into a brick wall, a full stop, adios amigo etc. is not an option.

But one has to keep things in perspective. A good sense of humour will also aid.

Keep up to date on our progress, visit our Message Board

Our General Health

An amazing coincidence is that we are both Coeliacs (spelt celiac in the USA). Meaning that we are allergic to certain foods. Namely Wheat, Barley and Rye. Foods we have to avoid range from pizza, sausages, breads to kit-kat and all stops in between. Just don't ask what we eat!

And if this isn't bad enough, we are both vegetarians! No meats, fish, eggs, gelatine or alcohol (sniff!). It has been over three years since we became veggies, not for any green ethical issues but because we are desperate for a baby! Yes, religious priests, gurus call them what you like but if it pleases god it can only do us good. Alot of sacrifices, still its for a worthy cause.

We were diagnosed separately, before and after our marriage. I have been on this diet for 25 years and my wife Nikki in 1997, just two years after we got married. So if we're to have children they would more than 50% be likely to inherit our condition. It's the protein called 'gluten' that we are unable to digest. It harms the intestinal lining, it's mainly a western european non-catchable disease and we being asian it certainly raises eyebrows whenever we attend coeliac get togethers! So what do we eat?
When Bobby saw her first she was at her weekend work. She worked a 7-day week and I now understand why. Idle hands make her concious of her crippled past and shackeled to a hospital bed (when there were beds around!) for most of her formative years. As I write this now she is scurrying around with the hoover trying to reach areas never been sucked for oh... two days!

Bobby is generally healthy thank god. Nikki is a walking text book of ailments! Where do I begin here? Is there enough space in cyber-world for even the briefest synopsis? Though aghast at being exposed so openly on the web, it's for the benefit of man-kind. So here goes...

Walking Text-Book

As a result of having a very late diagnosis of her coeliac condition the consequences were dramatic. My wife physically stopped growing at the age of 12 and is now standing tall at 4'7". By continually eating wheat, her body did not absorb nutrients. Other than the dilemma of her height further symptoms manisfested themselves.

Through the lack of vitamins, Rickets developed. The food in her stomach would just sit there and not digest, she could go without food for days. Bulimia was the only method she knew on how to relief herself. She just would not eat and could not eat.

Hobbling down her high street, something had to be done. The underlying problem was her intolerance to food containing wheat flour (just look around and you will be hard pressed to find food not containing wheat). But first, her legs had to be straightened. This was corrected by removing large portions of both her inner thigh bones, clamps, frames, plaster, crutches the lot. She lived in hospitals for periods of six months at a time and the hollowed out areas of her thighs and scars running the whole length, she just would not wear a bikini on our honeymoon! Even now she is unable to sit cross legged or hold them apart wide enough for any gynaecologist.

When I married her she was very anemic. I asked her to see if she could be a coeliac like myself. Low and behold, finally a doctor had got it right. Her other ailments are eczema, allergies to strawberries, air conditioning, hay fever. Bad reactions to anti-biotics. Skin sensitve to tomato, onions, pineapples, smoke etc. The white patches on her skin are called vertiligo. Yet she's not one to skip work, too good to be true? Just ask her boss.

Why did I marry her I hear you ask? Dunno...

But throughout the engagement, her dad was dying of terminal cancer. On return
from honeymoon there was little time to get to know his new son-in-law. more

We also prayed... Click to find out!

The following is a summary of our IVF history

We have an unexplained fertility problem. Depending on where you go for your sperm tests mine is normal. I say that because on the NHS apart from the wait my results varied from no sperm to below average. Yet with private health my sperm is normal to good. It seems you get better treatment in private hospitals and I'm afraid you do get what you pay for in this world.
My wife had Laparoscopy and day 8 & 21 bloodtests. All proved normal. So too was the Hysteroscopy test to search for any abnormalities like adhesions and fibroids which ultrasound scans may not have picked up.
We also tried a personalised herbal formulas and other potions that did nothing but fleece us!

IVF # 1

At Kings College Hospital, London
6 eggs retrieved only 3 fertilized
Because of so few eggs I opted for ICSI
Implanted 3 excellent quality embryos on day 2, a four cell division

IVF # 2

At Kings College Hospital, London
A disaster. Despite doubling the dose there were no eggs. Nobody knew what had gone wrong. It was a horrible experience. Like a death in the family

IVF # 3

Holly House Hospital, Essex
Time for a change. We went for GIFT/ET
11 eggs retrieved 2 of which were placed in the fallopian tube along with my sperm
Of the rest 3 fertilized in the lab without needing ICSI
Implanted only 1 excellent quality embryo (as per the draconian laws in the UK)

IVF # 4

Holly House Hospital, Essex
Went for straight IVF
6 eggs retrieved only 3 fertilized without ICSI
Implanted 3 excellent quality embryos on day 3, an eight cell division

IVF # 5

Holly House Hospital, Essex
Hoped for Blastocyst but outcome was poor despite increase in dosage
4 Eggs of which 2 were good and fertilized thru ICSI
Implanted 2 excellent grade 4 embryos on day 3, an eight cell division
Of the 4 women that day the only failure was mine.

Option now to go for donor eggs which we are advertising for. Or try blastocyst with the few embryos that we always manage to harvest.
Surrogacy is the other option. The arcane laws in England wont allow a sister over the age of 35 to be the donor for us. But it's ok for the sister to be the surrogate using our eggs. Mad house this is! Do they realise what we are going through? A decision they will come to regret one day themselves as people are getting older before they plan a family. A revise is in order, they are warned.    How to become a Donor

A month in the life of an IVF Patient

Personal Thoughts

It used to be that one half of us was the optimistic one and always looking to the future whereas the other was the pessimistic one. Now I think the roles have reversed.
Our priorities have changed. We can no longer afford the time nor money to really enjoy ourselves the way 'ordinary' couples do. Looking around whenever we visit people's homes we see not only families but people bettering themselves.
We don't want to sound too defeatist but where is the impetus for us to better ourselves. Our standard of living has really dropped. Ten's of thousands that could've been spent on home improvements and luxuries are being channelled into this black hole of endless IVF costs. (hope the government is reading this) With no guarantee of success. And as our lifeforce drains we put on a brave smile whenever we visit relatives. We play with their kids and pretend everything is alright. And as the years go by, the gulf between us and everybody else maybe developing into us retreating into our shells or "Look daddy, those are the people who can't have babies" and red faces all around. There's little point in keeping up with the jones. Only hope our prayers are answered and that we will get there in the end.


                      Keep up to date on our progress, visit our Message Board